How does one say it? I was wrong- I was right - I was conffused?

This was my life. I learned from his heart and his patience. I was not the easiest of women to live with but he loved me anyway. I miss him sometimes. But not with a heavy heart. But with a heart filled with gratitude and peace. 

This is the crazy women I have become. Sometimes - I just have to let go and let God. This is my rainbow hair

















This is my Zoe girl. Joe and Amanda made me the proudest grandmother in the world. How could I expect more than perfection. But I'll tell you a secret - she isn't perfect. Her educational may have great struggles and pain.

 She is perfect for all who know her but we are aware of the struggles ahead in her learning. Could be love her less.  NOT A CHANCE!











This is Amanda right after giving birth to our precious Zoe. Look at the joy in Amanda's face. She loves this bundle of absolute joy. She is such a great mother. I admire her so much.









Mom and I went to Alaska one summer. Learned more about how much I love and need my mother than about Alaska..

 My 60th birthday...Friends and High Tea. Nothing could have been done better. How I love the women who put this together for me. God bless them all. High Tea, Queen Victoria, Old Boston, all interests of mine.

 This is where I begin the new part of the blog. Finding the joys in my life. Don't think that the pain of losing Tom has gone away. It hasn't. Just someday it blend with the joys of the day.

                                               Grandpa Weyant - We both love you.

Good Night All.

Hello Again

Hi
Long time no see
So sorry
Could have come
But didn't.

I am back.

June 20

Well, that didn't last long. Facebook page was closed for one whole day. Can't communicate with some friends without it.  However, there are new rules. I get 5-10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes some other time during the day. 

Also, I speak of nothing of importance. If people upset me - I either ignore them or drop them. Thus is life.

June 18

Closed my Facebook page today.
People upset me and I want to tell them what I think - and that would rip apart a family. Giving up my fun is better than giving up my family.

I can't go back into a classroom of children again. Even thinking about them and the silly mistakes we all make with them, makes me cry. Can't people see that the thoughtlessness they show to these wonderful special kids can last a lifetime in the mind and heart of the child.

Maybe I should give up on life itself. Nobody understands the pain of watching these kids when people inadvertently hurt them. I love them all - I love them. Can't handle them being hurt.

These are some of my kids. 

These are kids who have been injured by the thoughtless remarks of others. Children who have been brought to tears by careless 'caring' adults.These are my kids. One is like a 12 year old  in a 3 year old body. People gasped when they saw her lack of hair. She knew what they were thinking about. One, had a rebuilt face. You don't think he knew when people looked away it was because of his weird features? He was a smart kid. One, went on to become a speaker at his 8th grade commencement.  People hurt them - without ever trying.

June 17

This is me

This is Zoe

This is life

This is all - that I would hope for

Given the chance - to hope

Zoe, Joe, Amanda, Becky

We are family

June 9

Do Over - If I could choose a do-over - what would it be? Were I to remove the greatest pain in my life - my life would never have been. I would never have known the joys and pains of this world as I did. It was the pain that brought the joy.









No visiting White Sands with Tom.

 No Joe to give me the most beautiful granddaughter in the world.

No Tom - to make me smile and laugh. No man to show me what love really it.

                                                                  No dudie bug.

Still there are times - when the pain overwhelms me. At these times I wish I could do over parts of my life. Get rid of the painful moments; the mistakes, the misjudgements.













Sometimes I still wish for

June 5th

Is this me or was this me? 
Is this long ago and far away or is it now? 

In this time, past or present, there were moments of pure joy in childhood. But, even then, I held the darkness in my hands. 
Can you see a child in pain? 
Can you see the stripes she bore at so young an age? 
Is that the angel of death behind her gloating, grasping,and sucking life from her?
Or, were they figments of a vivid imagination? 
False memories? 
Hallucinations?  

They were real. This is me. Today. Lost in time. Stuck in the muck and mire of time, memories, and pain. This is me.