February 6

It has been 2 years and 4 months since Tom died. It has been difficult but I am finally finding my new normal. In fact, I am happy with who I am becoming. I am more assertive and yet controlled. Slowly I am learning when to keep my mouth shut and not go off. It isn't easy but is doable.

Tommy, I have loved you for so long. Yes, even before I knew it. You have taught me to stand strong and not give up. I haven't. In fact, I am stronger than ever and ready to make changes that are frightening. However, thanks to you- your faith - God's faith in me - It is going to fine.

I still love you.

January 18

Maybe not. I think the grief has faded and then, like a smoldering ash, it bursts into flame. Those flames destroy all they touch.

January 17

Done. Yes, I think I am done.

December 31

What a wonderful season this has been. I have found peace in the love of this season. My family and friends have shown me great love. God has shared his love and peace with me. My future is ahead and I see it as bright and hopeful.

December 12

I am honored to have the family I do. Already, they have agreed to come to the cemetery on Saturday to place a Christmas wreath on Tom's grave. Not being able to be in crowds alone is difficult. What a wonderful family I have.

Tommy, they loved you. I think we all miss you. Especially me.

December 12

Saturday I will place a Christmas wreath on Tom's grave. I can't go alone so I have invited my siblings and my children. Crowds and I don't get along too well when I am alone. With my family by my side - I will honor my husband with a Christmas Wreath. I love him so. This will be stepping outside of my comfort zone. But, it will be OK.

December 9

Do you know what it is like to wake up in the morning and think of nothing? Or, like me, are your thoughts crowded by people you love and care about? What about children,spouses,friends? The weather? What you are going to wear? Housework undone? Pets to be fed and groomed. The lawn - what about the lawn. Are there weeds to pull? Gardens to water?

There are so many things in life that crowd in when I wake up in the morning. My life is full and mostly enjoyable. There is hardly a second that has no thought in it. But, today - Tom was not one of them. I did not think about him until later. I was up, working, dressed, had my coffee, working on a friend's curtain when it hit me - I hadn't thought of Tom yet. This may be a good thing.