It has been too long since I have written or visited this blog. My focus has been missing. Too much happening in life. Too much to think about and too few brain cells to do it right.Tonight I am back. Tonight I start again - blogging and living.
My brother, Clinton, departed this life July 7th at approximately 7:30 in the morning. He was content. Not afraid of death or of his future. People say he was "ready". I must believe that or lose my sanity. Did he know where he was going when he died? Did he know Jesus? Only he and God know. It is not for me to judge. Judgement belongs to God.
What will the judgement bring to us all? My life has been filled with sin and deceit. Not enough with the love that Jesus shared and commanded us to share with others. My life does not warrant heaven with Jesus. My life deserves hell. When I die and face the judgment that will follow - the Lord, my God should decree an eternity in hell. That is what life deserves. What my life deserves. But when God, our Father, the Creator of all things looks at me - He will see His own son, Jesus. Like a coffee cup with the dregs sitting in the bottom - the sins of my life - God will look - but the purity of Christ's sacrifice will cover that sin - like a piece of white paper placed over the coffee cup hides the dregs at the bottom.
Jesus died for my sins and I have never truly appreciated that. Never has his sacrifice dwelt deeply in my mind and heart. Tom died without fear. He knew who he was and who was waiting for him. Tom knew and served the Lord Jesus with all his heart and soul. I have not.
Life has been a daily struggle between faith and death. Still I struggle but faith will win. God's love will win. I will win.
How to reach those who do not see? Who do not know? Who follow a false god? I do not know. Jesus will have to help prepare me to do that. There is nothing I can say. Nothing I can do to change anything a person believes. But Christ speaking through me can do that.
God - help me to prepare.