Friday, March 30, 2012


Spring Break
Going to Angels Camp this weekend
2-3 days in our favorite condos
I won't be alone
But I won't be with you
There is a sadness that is overwhelming at times

Called for an appointment with the counselor
Our anniversary is almost here
He won't be in
I can get through this
Just hate doing without him

Our anniversary
We would have gone to Angels Camp or San Diego
We would have been married over 30 years
We would have together for 39
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Moods and Mama

It has been a moody up and down kind of weekend. Had trouble last week also. It has taken me completely by surprise that it has been two years since Mama died. My mother-in-law was one of the greatest women. She knew how to enjoy life regardless of what it threw at her. She survived polio twice. She lived the last years of her life in horrible pain. Her shoulder replacement hurt every time she moved it. She had a new knee, a bar in her wrist, and, at the end, had her right arm rebuilt by an awesome surgeon after a fall in my home destroyed it.

Mama laughed. She knew joy in each breath. Her favorite birthday was the Star Wars party (She was 88). I loved her. Through her I was able to smile even when going to work became unbearable torture. She was there when I got home. She and Tom made life special. She loved me and called me her daughter. I was. I am.

Mama died 2 years ago this past Friday. Friday the 23rd day of March 2012.

I remember you! Thank you for loving me.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Meatloaf and Rings

Meat, veggies, egg, cheese - all in a bowl
I take off my ring and set it in a dish on the windowsill
Suddenly, I am back in time

Sitting in an interview with Tom
An interview for his license with the Assemblies of God.
He was so nervous
As was I

"Mrs. Weyant, I notice that you are not wearing a wedding ring and your husband is.
Is there a reason for that?"

I look at my hand and realize the ring isn't there.
"Yes", I respond. "I was preparing a meatloaf.
When I do that, I take the ring off and set it in a heart shaped dish in the windowsill.
I don't want it to get covered in meat and egg.
When I am done, I put it back on. We were in a hurry, I must have forgotten...."

Never forgotten...

Little reminders
Voices long past
Whispers of hope
Till I see you - at last.

life Going On

Life goes on
The rain comes and goes
The sun rises and sets
Day to night
Night to day
Heat and cold
Wet and dry
Life goes on.

Life goes on
I am not stationary
Life moves and I move
Night to day
Day to night
Moving on is part of life
just as death
is part of life
I move on
Life moves on

It seems strange

Sunday, March 18, 2012

More than anything or anyone

No matter how many times I say it
It doesn't change
I miss you

I miss you
More than anything
or anyone
I miss you.

I miss the talks
the smiles
the tears

I miss the laughter
the quiet moments
the feel of your touch

I miss you
More than anything
or anyone
I miss you.

I miss you
Mowing the lawn
Sweating in the sun

I miss you
Standing at the grill
Perfecting the meal

I miss you
More than anything
or anyone
I miss you

Thursday, March 15, 2012

How do I live without you

How do I live without you?
I don't.
You are in my thoughts
My memories
My dreams
My hopes.
Your photo graces my wall
Your ring - rests near my heart.
I do not live without you.
Your voice may not call out to me in the night.
You may not be sitting by my side.
But you are here.
I live.
You live.
Someday -
We will live together
In the presence of God.
Until then
Be happy

Monday, March 5, 2012

Your Ring

I took your ring off
It was wrong.
I felt naked and alone.

Today, your ring hangs on a chain
A gold chain
I bought it at the same store where we bought our wedding bands.
The gold shines
The gold of the ring
and of the chain
and the golden memories we shared.

Your ring
Hangs close to my heart
Reminding me of you
And of the love we shared.

I love you.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I took off your ring

I took off your ring today.
For 17 months it has been next to my wedding band
Two rings on my finger
Reminding me
I am yours

Today - it sits alone
And on my finger
Only one ring
It is lonely
As I am
For you.

Tommy -
I miss you.
But I wonder
Can I go on forever clinging to you?
Holding to a past that will never be again?
Sometimes - I think so.

But for today -
I will walk alone
Without the reminder
On my finger.