Sunday, November 25, 2012

November 25

Dear God,

So many of my neighbors are going to lose their homes to the freeway. It is a necessary development but I struggle with the loss of this wonderful neighborhood. Although they will not take my house - they will take the houses of 310 families. They will destroy the homes of senior adults at the church's senior residences. They will destroy a school that has held You up to be worshiped and glorified. Dear God - help them all.

What can I do - to be of service in this time? What words can I say? Help me to remember to pray for them all. To pray for peace and guidance for all involved.

Thank you Father for the joy you have given me in this time. For a day spent in fellowship with my family. A day of giving thanks. It is the first holiday since Tom went home that I have stayed though it all. I prayed for joy and strength - and you heard my cry. You filled me with joy in your presence and strength for the day. Today, I come in thanksgiving for Your providence. For Your Joy. For Your hope. I thank YOU for all of it.

I love you Lord. Help me to love more and be faithful to You - always.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

November 21

Today is Thanksgiving Eve. Not notable in itself I guess. But for me - it is a series of days and thoughts that come together - in memories.

Ten years ago tonight - Tom had a massive migraine that caused stroke-like symptoms. He was 'bone cold'. I rushed him to the ER, they rushed him back, and then upstairs. He was medicated and treated for a stroke. It is almost funny - even now - that after that - he always wanted to turn left. We laughed about that often.

Thanksgiving Eve - after that - we always gave thanks that he had lived and laughed again. We understood that we had come close to losing what we had. We loved each other and could not imagine life alone. We gave thanks for our son, Joe, and all that he meant in our lives. He was our joy and the apple of his daddy's eye. In recent years, we added Amanda to that Thanksgiving list. She is the best woman for our son. Amanda immediately took to Tom and made his last years more pleasant. She helped care for his Mom and the love was mutual.

Thanksgiving Eve - tonight- I try again to give thanks for what Tom and I had and for what I still have. It is not so easy any more. I still have Joe and I am thankful for him. Amanda is ever by his side - I am thankful for her still. Today - we have Zoe- the granddaughter that Tom always prayed for.

However, Tom is no longer here. He has gone home to Jesus and is happier that he ever could have been on this earth. I try to be thankful for that. But it is hard. I must learn to be thankful in all things - at all times.

Thank you Jesus for loving me. Thank you for helping me to get through the difficult things of life. Thank you for walking beside me when I feel alone. I love you. I thank you for loving me.

I am filled with thanks.

Monday, November 19, 2012

November 19

Again I am here. What to say? I miss Tom. What else is there?

Again and again I feel OK and all is well.
Then comes along a nagging hell.
Not complete - I cannot be.
Unless my Tom is here with me.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

November 7

A month has passed since I last posted. Maybe it's time to quit and move on. Maybe not. Sometimes I get tired of feeling, thinking, writing, posting. All of the time - I am tired and not sure why. But there are things I do know.

1. I am alive.
2. I am happy to wake up each morning at least 90% of the time.
3. God is faithful even when I am not.
4. Zoe is the most beautiful granddaughter in the world.
5. Amanda is an amazing daughter-in-love.
6. Joseph loves being a daddy and is very good at it.
7. The people I work with are the best.
8. My students bring me joy 90% of the time.(Sometimes they plain driving me crazy.
9. I love to create quilts.
10. I am not so good at sewing them.
11. My quilts/blankets are a work of the heart.
12. My great niece and nephew - Damian and Addison are dear to my heart.
13. My house is great.
14. My friends make me smile.
15. My sisters make me smile - all of them. Sue, Mary, Sally, Alberta, Sandy, Jacquie.
16. My brothers are pretty cool. Both of them - Tom and Bob
17. Losing my brother Clinton has put a dent in my heart.
18. I have way too many clothes.
19. I love teaching.
20. I am getting older and liking it.
21. I miss Tommy.
22. I miss Mama. Tom's mother.
23. I miss Daddy.
24. I miss Grandpa and Grandma Gray - still.
25. There will come a day when Christ will return and I will get to go home with those I miss. That will be a day of rejoicing for many.

More to follow.