Sunday, May 27, 2012

Loving you I come - Again

Here I am again
Kneeling at Your feet.
Washing with my tears
Drying with my hair

Oh Lord I am here
Bowing in your presence
Loving You I come

Walking in Your way
Hearing words of hope
Seeking all You say
Loving you - I come

Oh Lord I am here
Bowing in Your Presence
Loving you I come

Praying in the night
Singing of Your love
Crying out my pain
Crying out again

Oh Lord I am here
Bowing in your presence
Loving you I come

37 Years

It has been a great struggle to live and breathe without always thinking about or talking about Tom. He was always such a apart of my life that it seems natural to mention him, to think about him, to love him. He has always been there.

I remember when we first met. I took a part time job at a Pic'N'Save store. (They are all Big Lots now) We couldn't stand the sight of each other. It was fun to poke at him and he at me. It didn't change until we were told that if the animosity didn't stop - one of us would be fired. Since I was temporary Christmas help and he was permanent - I knew who would go. So - I invited him to a meeting at my church. He really was a great guy. We found that we had so much in common. It was easier working together after that.

I was 18 then. He left me when I was 55. In fact, it was almost 37 years to the day that I met him. I started working in October of 1973 and Tom died in October of 2010. Through those years, I have loved him, hated him, been amazed by him, and surprised by the depth of his love. His love was so present. A look from him, a word, a touch - - and I knew all would be well.

I miss him.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Today is another day of thoughts, of feelings, of dreams.
It isn't a bad day - it is just a day.

Dear God,

Keep me thinking, feeling, and dreaming. Keep my heart glued to you. Let all of life fill me with joy and remind me of your love for me. I love you Lord. Help me to love you more.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Hello darkness my old friend
I've come to speak with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seed while I was sleeping
And the vision
That was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound
Of silence

A New Plant

It has been almost a month since I have written here. Although there has been much in life I could have written on, it has not been the right moment. Now it is.

It has been over 19 months since I lost Tom and 25 months since I lost mom. Unless God intervenes, it won't be long before I lose my eldest brother to colon cancer. With that said, it is not death I wish to write about. It is life. Beyond death, there has begun a new life that is just beginning to break surface and grow. This life, like the flowers of spring, began below ground - where eyes could not see. The roots, the very substance of the plant grows there. Life sustaining nutrients are drawn into the plant from those roots. Water - food - life.

As those roots grew - I grew stronger. Although I could not see what was happening, it was there - growing, pushing down into the soil all around me. Now, finally, a small shoot has broken ground. It is very small and very fragile. It needs protecting from the storms that come against it. Only in time, will I see what is growing - for now - I must accept that this small plant is my life - my future.

Oh God - bring life to me. Protect my life and my dreams. Keep me alive and filled with you over the years that come.