Saturday, July 2, 2011

Nine Months

It has been 9 months since Tom died. So much can happen in 9 months. You can have a baby, finish a regular school year, or complete 3 quarters in college. In my case - 9 months has brought a complete change in life.

I have moved to a different house. made new friends,and begun to build a new life. Although there was really nothing wrong with the old life - the new one is going well. My work has changed locations. The new school is far better than the old one. The atmosphere it encouraging and supportive. The new house is smaller, well laid out, and inviting. It has a lightness that was not present in the old.

I am learning to live alone without all the sadness that filled my days and nights only a few short months ago. Although the grief can sometimes overwhelm - it recedes more quickly...and like the waves of the ocean...when it recedes it leaves behind small treasures to discover,explore, and enjoy.

Life has taken on a rhythm - a melody - that is slowly becoming my own. Tom's melody blended so well with mine - we were one composition - the music of our lives filled us, radiated from us, became us. Part of me - part of the music of my life - is gone. The composition is changing. At first - it seemed discordant - a cacophonous disaster. Now - there is the beginning of sweetness to the melody that was not there before. It is a new composition - the harmony is different - but pleasing. God is the conductor - drawing ever sweeter music from this broken instrument.

Nine months - not a longtime - just a lifetime.

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