Stories of Jesus

Tell me the stories of Jesus I love to hear;
Things I would ask Him to tell me if He were here;
Scenes by the wayside, tales of the sea,
Stories of Jesus, tell them to me.

First let me hear how the children stood round His knee,
And I shall fancy His blessing resting on me;
Words full of kindness, deeds full of grace,
All in the love light of Jesus’ face.

Tell me, in accents of wonder, how rolled the sea,
Tossing the boat in a tempest on Galilee;
And how the Maker, ready and kind,
Chided the billows, and hushed the wind.

Into the city I’d follow the children’s band,
Waving a branch of the palm tree high in my hand.
One of His heralds, yes, I would sing
Loudest hosannas, “Jesus is King!”

Show me that scene in the garden, of bitter pain.
Show me the cross where my Savior for me was slain.
Sad ones or bright ones, so that they be
Stories of Jesus, tell them to me.

Melvin

Tom often called me his "silly mouse". It would mean nothing to anyone but us. And it did have great meaning.

I collect mice. Any kind but alive. It started with a character I created during the time we were pastors in Connecticut. Melvin was our 'church mouse'. He came out at night and added stories and notes for the church newsletter. He spoke about his wife, Melsa, and their many children. Melvin said many things that needed to be said. He was so good at it. The only time I ever felt free was when I was Melvin.

I have never been good at social things. Jokes were not in my repertoire. Social events were my nightmare - and I was a pastor's wife. It seems that I can't say the right things. I say something - knowing what I mean - and it is taken another way. People aren't in my head. They only see the outside. The outside was my discomfort being in public.

Melvin had no such problems. Melvin could tell jokes, preach, teach, and laugh. Tom understood me. In the privacy of our home - I could be funny, laugh, tell jokes, sing, act, just generally be goofy. I was his Silly Mouse. He was my pastor, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, and the rock that made life doable.

Tom is gone. But the silly mouse is still here. I have found her coming out more in public. I am having to create a new self since mine was so interwoven with Tom's. I am incorporating Melvin into the new me. We shall see who/what I turn out to be.

Change

Challenging
Horrific
Agonizing
Nauseating
Gloomy
Excruciating

Here I Am

Here I am
Sitting as usual
Dreaming of nothing
Wishing days did not exist
Days already gone
Here I am
Sitting as usual
But nothing is usual
I am changed
Not all for the better

Time

There is so little time.
Remember that.
What is the last thing you said to your spouse?
Was it kind?
Did it uplift him/her?
If your marriage were a flowered plant - filled with gorgeous blooms and every time you berated or made mean comments to your spouse - a bloom fell dead. How what would your plant look like? Would it be filled with blooms - or be empty?

Miss you my beloved.

Thoughts thoughts about family

You can take a lot from family that you won't from others. But the time comes - when even family go too far.

Remind me of my loss - I am OK.
Tell me I can't share my feelings - I am not OK.

Some friends are closer than blood. They will suffice at times.

Family - such a mixture of love and hate. Friend and Foe.
Can't live with or without them.

They are family - a part of me.

Grandpa and Grandma

February will be here soon. Our grandchild will be born and life will change again.

It was pointed out to me this weekend that you are dead. Speaking about spoiling our first grandchild was followed by a 'goof' on someone's part when they mentioned Grandma and Grandpa. "ooops - I'm sorry. I forgot he is gone. Isn't that funny?" This - accompanied by laughter and a few other comments. It was not intentional. I knew that. But I remembered - for the first time - that I will be grandma without grandpa. It wasn't funny - but it was and is reality.

You will be there. You dwell in the mind, heart, laughter, and eyes of your son. You live in my memory forever. You will be a part of that child.

It was not funny. I miss you. We were supposed to be grandparents together. I am not laughing.