A new month. December. This is not an easy month for me. Life keeps going and my struggles are lost in season. No tears - no sadness. This is a season on joy and it is what I want my kids and my granddaughter to know from me. Joy in the presence of God. No, Tom is not here and I weep with the thought of it. I miss him each holiday, each night when I go to bed, and each morning when I awaken. He is never missing in my heart. But there must be joy again for those around me and for me. How can I go on grieving though holidays that make others happy and used to fill me with joy. It is time to let go a little more. I love my family. I want to be a part of that again.