There is something wrong today. I hurt. I woke up hurting. It hasn't gone away. Why do I miss him so much after all this time? It was OK yesterday. Smiles and laughter have been real and I have been happy. But now - I am in tears and it won't stop. I miss him. I would rather live in tent without running water and heat - with him - than in this nice house without him.
I should be thankful for this house and my job, I have food, clothing, and insurance, all the major necessities of life. And here I sit- complaining about being alone. My heart is obviously not totally healed. And, just as obviously, there are things in life more important than 'things'. I have those in abundance. Sometimes I just forget to think about them.
I have a family that is always here for me. Sisters, brothers, and my mother. I have nieces and nephews that I love very much. I have friends and friendly acquaintances that bring smiles and laughter into my life. Work is place and an atmosphere that is comfortable and peaceful - even when it's crazy. My dogs love me even though I ignore them sometimes. My big ole Shilah seems to be coming around. She was afraid of everything and everyone when I got her last year. She wouldn't even come near me. Now - she edges up to my seat and begs to be petted. She doesn't run away when I stand up. She is beginning to feel safe with me. Lizzy is still a pain in the butt but a loving one.
Yes - I have much to be thankful for. I am also thankful that Tom did not linger here in pain. He is pain free and dancing before the Lord. Yes - dancing. Although some churches (ours included) don't approve of dancing in general - my Tommy is dancing in heaven. He isn't clumsy or crippled any more. I am so thankful for that. As much as I miss him - I would not wish him back the way he was.
There is something wrong today. I hurt. But I am better thinking of all my blessings than all my losses and pain.
Happy Thanksgiving All!