Today I went to church. In fact, I went to my old church- a church where I feel at home. After Tom died - I left there. The pain was too much and I was angry. Angrier than I knew. Today, I was at peace. At least, with that church. I missed them. I missed the camaraderie, the smiles, the laughter. But mostly, I missed the Gospel being preached without apology, without showmanship, and without fear. The truth is the truth - and there is not other way to put that.
I miss Tom. He was a definite presence in my life. It was he that welcomed me when I came home from work and he who refocused me when I strayed off the path of sanity. These are things I need and miss. But - I do not grieve for him.
Tom is happy now and I can not grieve that. He is worshiping God forever. He walks with our daughter, his parents, my father, and others. I grieve not for him - but for me.
I miss him. But - I am happy. It is time to be happy more than I am not. It is time to worship my God and rejoice in His presence each day. There is more missing from my life than Tom. I have been missing a relationship with my God, my Savior, my Jesus.