Saturday, October 1, 2011


One year ago - right now - I was in bed with Tom in a hospital. As I drank a glass of wine I watched tv and felt my husband breathing. A year ago - I knew it was almost over. A year ago - I was married. A year ago - I wasn't alone. A year ago - I wasn't laughing. Tonight - I am. Funny stuff on the tv. Pain in my heart. One year ago - I was dieing - now - I am alive.

It is getting close to the hour. It is getting closer to the moment when you left me. How can I go on? Tommy - Tommy - I miss you. 22 minutes and a year will have passed since you met Jesus in person. 20 minutes are left until the year has passed.

10 minutes. Is it strange that I am counting down? The countdown began a year ago. It hasn't stopped for a moment. I have counted every moment that he hasn't been with me. 8 minutes. 5 minutes. 5 minutes. A year in 5 minutes. I never thought I would live this long. Never believed I could survive. But- I did. And I will. 3 minutes. 1 minute. A year ago I didn't know you would be gone so soon. A year ago we were together. A year ago - a year ago - You're gone. Your body stopped. The breathing stilled. Good night my love. Good night.

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