Went to a grief sharing group tonight. Recommended by the best therapist I have ever had. He was right. I think it will be good for me in the end.
Spoke a little. Realized in watching the video and listening to the others, that many of the feelings I am experiencing are similar to others. I am not sure I agree with everything I heard but it was good. They say there is hope and I don't see it. I see only pain day after day. They say our lives don't end when a loved one dies - I disagree. My life went on when grandpa died. My life went on when grandma died. My life on when my daughter died. My life continued even when my mother-in-law died. This is different. This death took half of me away. I am only half a person living half a life. This is not me.
Why couldn't God take me with Tom? Why leave me here to sort this all out without him? Doesn't he know that Tom was the cornerstone of my life? A building that loses its cornerstone will soon crumble and fall. I am falling - into a pit without a bottom.