Grief is a hard, confusing thing. Some days it seems to not be there. I feel alive and free. Other days - life drags by and I want nothing to with continuing on. Today is a mix so far. Enjoyed breakfast with my daughter and spending time with her straightening my counters. But there is a heaviness in me that just won't lift. Sometimes it feels like someone has covered me with ten ton weight and I am being forced to the ground under it. My chest hurts, my legs hurt, my arms hurt. I am so tired.
Today is my day to start packing some of the knick knacks and memorabilia that I am going to keep. Sorting through will not be easy. So many memories. I am also supposed to go look for a house later. I still haven't found one that I can afford to buy that will suit my needs. Part of me wishes I could just stay here. I hate mortgage companies.