It was hard today. Seeing Christmas trees was fun but part of the conversation was difficult. Does anyone really understand what it is to be alone all the time? Invited, uninvited, others invited, left alone. Then discuss it in front of me? Painful. They don't even realize they hurt me.
This is more than I bargained for. I want out. Isn't there someway to live without feeling this pain? This lonliness? If not - it is time for me to find another way.
The pain of losing your beloved Tommy, I don't know when that ends. The loneliness, being alone, yeah. You learn to cope with that part, the public part. And no, most won't realize they are leaving you out. Welcome to singleness. You do learn to make your way, create your new traditions, invite yourself along, etc. It's remarkably difficult to be where you are learning to be single as well as learning to be without him.
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