If your friend is missing a loved one during the holidays - listen and let them know their loved one would want them to be happy. Does that really help?
I know Tom would want me to be happy. But what is happy about Christmas without him? I think I was numb last year and am now feeling things that hurt. Or maybe - I am just feeling the reality of him not being here with me. I am happy. But I am not happy. Tom made Christmas special. I am not that good at it.
No tree. No decorations. No cookies or fudge. I will make mincemeat for the family. But, like Thanksgiving, I won't eat it. I don't want gifts and food. I don't need a tree and decorations. All I need is Tommy. I miss him. His laughter is fading from my memory. I need - and can't have.
Tom would want me to be happy. But that won't help me to enjoy the holidays without him.