Saturday, December 4, 2010

1 am - - - again

Yes - it's 1 in the morning again. The only reason I am awake is how full my mind is with all that is happening in life. Unfortunately - when I stay up late I eat and drink more. Not a good combination.

Why can't life ssettle down and make sense again. I used to love going to bed. It was comfortable and safe. Now, it's lonely and sad. Even with the new bed, it isn't right somehow. I still en dup on the couch 3 or 4 days a week.

I am lonely and I am scared. It should be possible for me to go back to work after the holidays and I am so frightened. My job is stressful. It takes so much out of me each day. I truly care about each child and thier education.. I care about their future and happiness. But the energy it requries of me is enourmous. I am not sure I can do it again. I spend so much time each day just keeping myself moving and breathing. A friend has told me that I should think about taking the rest of the year. Part of me wants to but I have responsibilities at work. These are my kids. But = right now - I can't stand the sound of children.

Will I ever be able to teach again?

1 comment:

  1. You won't know unless you try. Maybe a provisional return. Give it a week or two and see if you can handle it. If not-don't.

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