It has been over two months since Tom died and I am beginning to feel like a yo-yo. Some days seem so hopeful while others seem bleak and sad. Although I am aware that life has been changed forever, I would truly enjoy some stability.
This is a journey that I have to take. There is no choice involved. No choice other than live through the journey - or end it now. Since ending my life is not an option - I must figure out better ways of coping with the journey. The pain will not just disappear. It is time for me to find joy in the midst of the pain and take better care of myself. I have not been doing a very good job of that. It is time.
Part one of the journey includes finding a house to call home and getting some of this unhealthy weight back off of me. (I have gained 30 pounds since Tom got sick in August) I have found a house that I would like and have started that process. Today - I start working on the second half of that as well. I know that there will still be Yo-Yo days when it all seems to fall apart but, I will just have to pick myself up and keep going.
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