Thursday, December 9, 2010

Christmas and Grief Share

Grief Share last night. Although it felt good to be able to talk with people who are going through this pain, it really caused the hole in me to feel bigger and more ragged around the edges. For days I have cried off and on all the time. Some spoke of dreaming of their lost one. I haven't. It would be wonderful but, it isn't happening. I would love to see his smile, hear his quirky humor, listen to his laughter one more time. I don't dream.

I went shopping for our Christmas giving. We set aside money each year to spend on those who don't have. There was no joy in mudville. I cried part of way over to drop the stuff off. This was OUR time together. We shopped for our angels together. We shopped for our special giving together. We wrapped gifts together. We chose gifts for his sister and niece together. No Mom, No Tom. How can there be a Christmas? I am going through the motions but spending most of it in tears. This isn't Christmas. This is a nightmare.

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